Sorry bout the lapse in time

Sorry, I know I haven't written in a while which I feel guilty about........but in reality when I think about it I don't feel guilty at all. I believe my lack of writing said more at the time than if I had been writing novels. After break, time whirled by. I was constantly doing something, museum hopping, meeting with friends, studying, going out, dancing, eating days filled with laughter and stories that yes I should have recounted, but why did I not sit down and write them? I didn't want to stop I was living and that was the whole point I was really living. Living you say what does that mean? In order to explain the word choice I must tell you a story about an evening I had in Edinburgh. It was Shabbos and my friend Marina and I decided to go to services at the small shul there, it indeed was a tiny gathering but we were invited to a meal afterwards hosted by a graduate student from Israel living and studying at the University. On tehw ay to his apartment we saw his friend and right there we witnessed a conversation in Hebrew on the scottish street which definitely was a treat when you think about it but that is besides the point, I digress. We enjoyed a lovely meal at his place surrounded by Australians, Americans, an Israeli, and Brits, one Brit who seriously had a way with words. Poetry flowed from his mouth as he aptly and succinctly formed sentences with such meaning and definition. When he tasted Ohad's soup the only remark uttered to the question how does it taste? was "it tastes". He was right the soup tasted and isn't that the most important thing for soup to do....especially with chicken soup you want it to taste like a chicken sat in it and not ran through it. I understood him completely and just how that soup tasted I finally lived in Paris.
In fact, when I first came to Paris by myself I truly think I was scared out of my mind yes in control but a little nervous I had the fear that anyone suspecting me of a tourist would "get me" steal my money pushy me down misconstrue my actions. I refused to look at anyone in the eye for fear they would think me interested I mean we were told not to look anyone in the eye....I would walk fast with an angry look on my face, I was enjoying myself nonetheless but I was just not comfortable in my skin in Paris. But that was just for a time, things changed. I realize that now as I realize why I didn't write....living includes the mudnane things of life and to be able to do the mundane in an extraordinary city is thrilling but it is not the stuff of blogs, why would I write down that I did errands that I bought flowers or returned to a store to ask them fix the buttons on my jacket? No one is interested in such nonsense but for me it was like a day in the clouds, picking out bouquets so that they can be artfully put together and tied artistically, speaking to shopkeepers in French, all while dressed in an outfit I would only wear on special occasions in my college town and all while I walked around the most gorgeous neighborhood of winding narrow streets and quaint buildings nestled one next to the other. THis was amazing to me because just two years before my mother wouldn't let me walk down a street of Paris by myself, insisting that my father get me from my cousin Helga's apartment instead of letting me walk alone two blocks to her hotel. I was navigating streets with no map unafraid of where it might lead me, because I Knew I could figure my way from any metro because OMG I am in love wiht the Paris metro system soo genius so easy to maneuver, while when I first came to Paris the metro seemed a maze and I was afraid to wander off in any direction for fear I would get completely lost and suffer a panic attack. And well yes you really shouldn't eye a strange man on a Parisian street I have done it I have done it several times I mean I wouldn't start looking in the face of every man I see you just have to be furtive about and judge a little beforehand. It can be most exhilarating. Or even better is looking straight ahead while you know someone is looking it is a game you can play for free and I played it because I will never again be 21 in Paris. But it's not just about looks and fashion and shopping, it's about self-assurance, world consciousness, street smarts, and communication.......you do understand that now I'm talking about me and my relation to life and not just eying someone on the street right?